Had To (leave) lyrics - Katatonia song

so you were with us until the last minute
and then you were gone from here
and I watched and I just figured out
that I will never see you again

I had a choice
you had to leave
into the night
this was my choice

it's so hard to explain what I meant
when I said that I wanted you dead
but I saw you fuck up and I just can't get back
the feeling I had for you

so I put all my strength into my only will
it was the only thing to do
and now I only regret that I cried
cause you would never do that for me